For Facebook, I am doing a mini series on relationships and decided to post them here because of the positive feedback I’m getting about them.
We are as unique and individual as the couple in the picture to the right. Accepting each others uniqueness and individualism will go a long way in helping to create a relationship that will grow and blossom into a beautiful friendship if we allow it. Friendship is where it all begins, isn’t it?
We dream about and struggle to make our relationships work, and wonder why it isn’t. Somewhere, somehow we’ve adopted a faulty belief system and need to become aware of them. The lies we tell ourselves are destroying the very relationships we want to work. Awareness of theses lies is essential to create change within ourselves.
Keep in mind that change starts with us first. Matter-of-fact, we are powerless to change anyone but ourselves. So let’s get excited about what we begin to discover…
Tip 1) Knowing where you are at all times allows for addressing those feelings that crop up from your triggers. Knowing where you’re at is simply meaning to know what you’re thinking, feeling and saying to yourself at any given moment, but especially just before an explosive moment.
Tip 2) Are you listening? Listening is so much more than hearing what the other is saying. It’s listening with the Spirits guidance, your intuition and listening to their body language. True listening is achieved by continual effort applied.
Tip 3) “The you owe me clause”, is devastating in any relationship. We do for the other and then EXPECT a nicety in return. When we don’t get it, we become offended and bitter. It’s best to do in love with no expectations and when the love is returned – How wondrous is that? Very sweet indeed!
Tip 4) So we shouldn’t expect things from the other? We shouldn’t ever stop wanting things from them, but we shouldn’t have the attitude that they owe it to me. We are owed absolutely nothing within a relationship, but the reward for doing it for them is wonderful. The joy is in the giving! Hopefully they appreciate and reciprocate the love.
Tip 5) Stay in your own backyard. What? It’s a metaphor. Let me explain. How would your neighbors feel about peering over their fence into their yard? Exactly! But this is what we do when we respectively peer over the fence to blame the one we’re in a relationship with. We have the “We’re problem-free” attitude. Bitterness and resentment is a high price to pay for a self-righteous attitude!
Tip 6) Our worth is not determined by our performance. What a devastating lie we tell ourselves. We’ve come to believe that our worth is based on what we do, not who we are. This leads to self-disappointment, which spills over into our relationships. You are fearfully and wonderfully made and when we change our belief system to accept that wholeheartedly, it helps us in those “I messed up and am sorry” situations… don’t you think?
Tip 7) Understanding secondary emotions: Anger is a secondary emotion. Did you know that? Secondary emotions can confuse us and others as to why we are feeling them, unless we understand our primary emotion first. For instance, we first might feel hurt, afraid, attacked, offended, disrespected, forced, trapped, or pressured. When we understand our primary emotion, we can properly explain ourselves and begin to resolve the situation before us. Having a wonderful relationship doesn’t mean it’s without its moments, but knowing how to deal with them without causing more pain is healthy for the relationship.
Tip 8) Cloning yourself? The faulty belief here is that one feels their way of being human is best. It’s arrogance, really to think the other should think, feel, act and do things like themselves, as if their personal view on any issue is wisest, best, smartest and most accurate. This is devastating to relationships and when arguments ensue, they are usually whoppers! The secret to being a really great individual is… a servant’s attitude. The needs of the other should be just as important, if not more so than our own. This is a great act of love. Next time you find yourself in an argument; do a self-check to make sure you haven’t fallen into this faulty belief system.
- Being the something different in your life (secretdesigncreationsblog.com)