All I wanted to do was eat my banana in peace, but instead… I found myself in the middle of a conversation that led to ‘Ugh’… offended and angry feelings.
These emotions have the irritating ability to cause us to react, inflaming the situation. Now who wants to do that? But seriously, it almost feels like we’re out of control, a monkey gone wild, a bull that see’s red, doesn’t it?
Over the years, I have learned how to pause this reaction, long enough to begin a process that usually ceases it completely. My process has been developed over time with trial and error. In the beginning it was hard to change and I would get frustrated. It felt like one failure after another; but hey… when did a little challenge ever stop me? And… just like life, I will always be refining my process as I continued to learn and grow.
Feelings and emotions play a big role in our behavior. I’ve come to recognize the importance of recognizing feelings, so as not to react when they flare up. At least that’s the goal I aim for.
I like to look at feelings and emotions as gages. For the men reading this, this would mean something to you, as gages tell you what’s happening within the machinery you’re running. Ladies, we can look at it like a thermometer. As heat rises, the needle moves letting us know what temperature is being reached. Feelings are just like that; the stronger the feeling, the more intense the heat or power. I’ve learned the more potent the feeling and emotion, the more I need to exert my will to control them.
Coming back to my “all I wanted to do was eat my banana” situation… when I saw the intensity of my emotions, I stopped talking. Stopped talking, In the middle of an argument? Oh yes, indeed I did. I know it’s hard to do, but it gets easier with time. I like to say it sets me in a humble mode. And… I think that’s exactly what it does. When we are willing to give up our rights, assumed or otherwise, we are taking a humble posture.
Next step is to realize what our feeling and emotions are telling us. For me, I realized that I initially felt rejected.
Which brings me to the next step in the process; finding out what triggered our feelings and emotions.
This is a reverse process. I started from the present and continue to explore backwards until I find the root of the problem. It’s kind of like pulling a weed out from my yard. “Get the root” I chant!! *Die Die* Ok, so when I’ve got the root, the weed will not come back and I hate when I miss the root. I know it’s a matter of time before that stupid weed comes back again. Some of the stubborn weeds have their roots so far into the soil, it’s almost impossible to pull them without using a tool, which happens when I’m too lazy to get one. Like these weeds, the unaddressed emotions and feelings are like weeds only shaved to the ground. They will come back, bigger and stronger than before and I got tired of them haunting me.
Once I discovered the initial pain, I was able address it. But I’ve unearthed a real truth… rejection is not what I usually perceive it to be. Rejection had nothing to do with me, but it showed me what the other person was struggling with. It’s often the case with many of the other pains I feel as well. Why oh why… do I take things so personally, initially!
Knowing how to do this process over and over again has spared me undo pain, arguments and bitterness leading to a troubled heart.
How did I begin? Desire was my first key. I wasn’t going to change, until I was ready for it. Frankly, I was sick and tired of feeling so sad all the time. In retrospect, I can see now, that my pain had exceeded my comfort level. It’s amazing how fast I will seek for a solution, when I am no longer comfy. Also, I’ve read many books helping me to understand myself and others, spent a great deal of time in introspection, journaling and seeking out help from Life Coaches. I’m pretty happy with where I am today, although, I am not content to stay as I am. I am ready for another journey that will lead to new discoveries.
- Happiness and Emotional Well-Being (everydayhealth.com)
- That was someone else, not me (ask.metafilter.com)