Moments that change your life don’t happen all the time and maybe that’s why they are so profound.
We can imagine that we’re sitting together over a cup of tea, just sharing about the different things on our heart… Of course, it seems unfair that I will be the only one talking…
Proverbs 20:24 (NLT)
How can we understand the road we travel? It is the Lord who directs our steps.
Last Thursday I arrived early for my surgery consult, which was no problem. I had several things to keep me occupied and time flew by. By the time I left my appointment, I was mystified, annoyed, yet glad for the news. It was the Surgeon’s examination. He was rough causing me undue pain, and I had to tell him to be gentle TWICE; one too many times if you ask me. I suppose I didn’t start to really think about this till Friday and that’s when I realized something felt very wrong about the situation and I wasn’t sure I liked the Surgeon. Later I realized, his rough examination was popping up warning signals trying to get my attention. And just as a side note, there is a lack of caring and respect a person is showing us when they aren’t gentle and cause undue pain. Really, there is no excuse for this from anyone.
I got to thinking, if my Surgeon shows a lack of concern for my whole wellbeing, while I’m awake, totally disregarding my request that he be more gentle, should I entrust myself completely under his care, asleep in Surgery? What a sobering thought!?
This is one of those times I had to really listen to what my soul was whispering to me and my process to do just that began like this. I opened my email and began to write a message to the Surgeon about my views on the appointment, when I realized that if I send this, he apologizes and I decide to stay with him, who knows if he would be mean to me, just because he can. I cancelled my message and made a call to member services, explained the situation and asked what my options were. The Members Rep. told me that ethics would not permit such behavior… in which I responded, “well that’s the way it supposed to work, but ethics says that a cook shouldn’t spit in your food if you’re not happy with the results and send the plate back to be remade, but they do”… To make a long story short, he gave to me this amazing advice, “If I were you, I would listen to my heart, because I can tell it’s speaking to you. First impressions mean everything. If you don’t feel right about him, change to a new surgeon”. Papa God got His message to me, didn’t He? Oh, He is very creative! If our hearts are open, we’ll notice that He’s not beyond using anything to guide us!
That’s it!! Why was I toiling over this? My soul was whispering to me even in the Surgeons Consult and I was having a hard time taking note of it. My thoughts were clouded with emotions that were running on the high side, that it hadn’t even occurred to me to evaluate the Surgeon to see if I liked him. It would’ve been a great benefit to me to have a supporter there who could have observed these things and brought it up later, making the process of discovery and decision making easier.
Today, I’ve been checking out other Surgeons and will be calling next week to set some appointments. Sometimes it’s not an easy process to hear my whispers, but I eventually always do and that is AWESOME.
As for the results of the Surgery Consult, he said I have a Lipoma, which is something gross like fatty tissue. They will call to schedule a surgery date to have it removed.